April 1997

Ten years ago I would have been finishing my finals for winter semester at BYU. It was kind of a confusing time in my life. I could almost see the light in finally graduating but was still so unsure of my future.

When I first attended BYU it was a huge shock. I am grateful that I was admitted to BYU because I didn't apply anywhere else. I didn't know what other college to go to and didn't want to keep paying out those $35 dollar application fees. I had attended a relatively small high school (Springville High School in Utah) and had my small town identity. I was the good girl who got good grades and had a charmed life. Then at BYU I became a number (among a mass of other numbers), struggled to get good grades, and felt like I had an isolated life.

My freshman year I took the usual freshman math and English classes and also dabbled in science and psychology. I always thought I would be a veterinarian or a psychologist/school councilor or maybe even a dentist. I always wanted some type of job that would be helping people (or animals) but not necessarily having to really be with large crowds of people - part of my introvert and shy side.

After deciding that I couldn't handle euthanizing animals, having negative comments given to me from family members about being a psychologist, and learning that dentist's have the highest suicide rate among professionals, I no longer knew what it was I wanted to do. I also had no plans on getting that MRS. degree until I had served a mission (so I am grateful nobody ever asked me out as it made this goal easy to keep). I also got a couple of B's that lowered my GPA and so lost my scholarship.

Instead of continuing school I dropped out for a year to work and figure things out. I found a job at a sewing factory and worked from 8am -4:30pm every weekday clipping threads, inspecting clothing, and packaging. Talk about your dead end job!!!!! There were a few students working there. Most of them working to support their husbands through school. The rest were older women and a lot of single mothers who needed to make ends meet and this was the only kind of job they could get. After a year of this I knew that I definitely wanted to go back to school and get my degree.

I continued taking the required courses and science classes at BYU but was still unsure of what major or degree to pursue. I finally took a microbiology class, just for the heck of it, and found my niche. I absolutely loved microbiology. I had always loved the sciences (not real smart - but just loved the learning) and loved that it was a hands-on kind of discipline, and left brained but also creative. I filled out the necessary forms and signed up for the necessary classes to become a microbiology major.

And just when it seemed like I was starting to figure things out and get on with my life I suddenly (or so it seemed) turned 21 was now finally eligible to go on a mission. I put in my papers and was assigned to the England Manchester Mission. I entered the MTC on January 29, 1993 and left for England on February 19, 1993. After the most growing 18 months of my life I returned home and to BYU. While on my mission they revamped my major and I ended up having to redo a couple of classes because they now had different names and credits.

Now that I had microbiology down as my major my next biggest decision was to decide what kind of microbiology major to be. I keep flip-flopping between medical microbiology (thinking of going on to be a pathologist - before it became cool from CSI) or clinical laboratory microbiology. I finally decided on medical microbiology and planned on challenging myself to take the MCAT and even perhaps going on to medical school - although that thought really intimidated me.

Just when I thought my life was planned out and had just a year to go to finally graduate I kept getting these feelings and whisperings that I needed to go into teaching. I had actually thought about teaching all through Jr. High and most of High School. But I gave up the thought after having to give speeches and present group projects in some classes. For me to speak in front of people was so painful at the time. I just never thought I could really do it.

I kept talking myself out of the teaching idea. I had only a couple of semesters to go and I would be done - I didn't want to start a new major all over again. But the more I thought about it and finally prayed and fasted about it I knew that teaching was what I needed to do.

Luckily most of my micro classes counted towards a Biology teaching degree. I only had to take a few extra classes. I was able to squeeze in all my teaching classes in less than a year (besides student teaching). I was already planning a minor in Chemistry and was pretty close to a minor in zoology, so again took the extra classes. It looked like I was finally on the track to graduate with a double major of Microbiology and Biology Teaching and a double minor of Zoology and Chemistry.

So again - back to 10 years ago. I am finishing up winter semester and have a couple of classes signed up to take during Spring term. I have no plans for the summer but am getting excited and anxious about doing my student teaching Fall semester. With student teaching and a few independent classes to finish I should be on my way to graduate and finally find a real job and get on with my real life. I think Washington or Oregon sounds like a nice place to job hunt and live. It will be a great adventure but also a little scary to do this all by myself.

Something that hasn't changed much through my years of BYU - little to no dating. And at this point I basically hate men and even the thought of dating. I have been on set-up date after set-up date because I am still single at the age of 25 and all my friends and acquaintances feel so sorry for me and hook me up with any single guy that they know. (I don't think they would ever have dated the guys they set me up with.) I seem to have gotten the man thing down backwards. I loved boys in grade school - thought they were handsome and had several crushes. When I was finally old enough to date them they scared me and I didn't understand them plus why would I want to get romantic with someone that acted just like my brothers? Then in college I was just invisible to guys and gave up on ever really finding someone who loved me.

My resolve: I am done with men. I will graduate soon, have a real job and enjoy my life. I'll have my own little house, sew all I want, travel all I want, and maybe even have a cat farm.

Little did I know how wrong I was and how much my future would change in such a short time.

To be continued . . . .