Birthday Party Dilemmas

For the Caviness family the birthday season is now on, at least for the kids. Halle's comes first at the end of school, then comes Sean's in the middle of summer followed by Chad's just before school starts. My kids love birthdays! (Is there anyone who doesn't?) I always try to give them a fun party based on the theme of their choice.

Halle just had her 6th birthday party today. Halle is quite obsessed with birthday parties and has been planning her party for a whole year. But after today I may not ever do it again.


Planning

Now birthday parties always need a plan. The fun plans are things like: what kind of party should we have, what kind of cake, what games shall we play, what color of balloons should we use? etc. These plans are also easy since my kids usually make all these decisions.

The planning I don't like entails things like: when will I get the laundry folded, how will I get the WHOLE house clean on time, how late can I stay up getting everything ready and still be awake and sane the next day? Maybe I'm a procrastinator, but really - if I cleaned everything in stages days before - do you really think it would still be clean and organized? If you answered "yes" than you don't have kids. So, basically everything has to happen in one day (that's about as long as my kids survive being banished to the toy room downstairs).

So now that I am already exhausted with getting everything ready - let's have 12 girls come over and party!



Invitations

Who are you supposed to invite to birthday parties? Next year, if I have another party, I would like a small intimate group! But who are you supposed to leave out. Halle has been blessed with a lot of really good friends, all in the church. But I also want her to have friends outside the church and to have friends at school.

As I wrote down a list of all her friends I realized it would be no small group. But I wanted Halle to have the birthday party she wanted and all the friends she wanted. The more the merrier, right?

After the list was complete, and including Halle, I had 11 girls. Seemed like an odd number and I had enough stuff for goody bags for 12 so I set out to invite one more girl. But who should it be? It was a toss up between the only girl in her primary class that didn't get invited or the daughter of someone my husband home teaches. Either girl knows Halle, but has never played with her. In the end I couldn't decide and let it be. 11 girls - unless something else came up of course.


Recruiting Help

Sometimes you think you are superwoman and sometimes you don't. As the birthday party date started getting closer I kept flip-flopping in the confidence of my abilities to host 11 little girls. I had thought several times of asking my neighbor, Gina to help me out. She is in 4th grade and rides the bus to school from our neighborhood with Chad and Halle every morning. Halle just adores Gina - being an older and more mature girl. But, then I decided I would be just fine - I could be superwoman.

Halle decided otherwise. Without me mentioning any of my thoughts about Gina to Halle, she went ahead and invited Gina to her birthday party (without my knowledge). When the mom asked me if Gina could really come, what was I to say? Gina really did seem to want to come so I said I would love it if she could be my helper. What Gina really wanted was not to have to go to express after school and this was her way out.

The plan was for Chad and Gina to take the bus home and then walk together to my house. Chad was to play with his friend and Sean downstairs and Gina would be my party helper.

At precisely 3:08pm my phone rang. I figure it must be someone calling about the party. A cancellation, directions? It is my neighbor girl, Gina. She has missed the bus. She asks if I can come and pick her up. I feel totally awful - but tell her I can't. Some of my guests will be arriving early and I am expecting them any time. I don't have time to go and pick her up. I tell her I am so sorry and to see if she can get into express. She answers that she will call her mom.

Two minutes later the first of my guests arrive - the party has started. I plan on calling Gina's mom myself to apologize and see if she is okay, but by that time the phone is ringing off the hook (people needing directions, my sister-in-law) and girls and boys are running around. Before I know it the party is in full swing and I totally forget to call Gina's mom.

But, don't worry, at 4:20 Gina shows up at my door. She found a friend at school who's mom brought her home and then she walked to my house. So, I am glad she is safe. But she has missed all the games and the craft that I was counting on her help for. I put her straight to work setting the table for decorating cupcakes.

Gina was a good help, when she got there and I hope she had fun. But since both her parents were working, she had to stay at my house until her dad got home around 6:00pm. This is just fine, because it is part of the plan.


Where's Your Mom?

One of the little girl's mother had a hard time finding my house. She called to get directions - but since the party was already started and girls were everywhere I didn't hear the phone ring. Just as I noticed I had a message and tried to call her back she arrived at my door. Halle was so happy to see her little friend from school.

The party invitation said from 3:30 - 5:00. Now I'm not a time Nazi. I have no problem with people dropping their kids off early or picking them up late - if that works out better for them. But I did start to get worried when all the moms but one had picked their daughters by 5:15pm. It was the same girl whose mother had a hard time finding the place. Had she got lost again?

5:30pm came and went. Maybe she thought the party was going until 5:30. 6:00 comes and goes. Where is this girls' mother? It was no problem. Halle and her played great together. I just didn't understand why her mother was so late and hadn't called.

Finally around 6:15 the last mother arrives. She is so sorry. Apparently she ran out of gas. And then while she was waiting for help her battery died. So it took her awhile to get out of the predicament she was in. After she left I noticed there was another message on the machine - it was the mom explaining what had happened. How come I didn't hear the phone? Oh well - glad everything worked out.


Who's that girl?

The biggest surprise of the day was to have an unexpected guest at Halle's party. I'm sure I totally did the wrong thing and I've been flustered ever since and I'm still not sure what to do. What would you have done? Here's what happened.

Trying to get out of my comfort zone and get to know some new people, I let Halle invite a few of her friends from kindergarten. We don't have a school directory, so I couldn't call or mail the invitations to her friends. The plan was for Halle to take the invitations to school and give them to her 4 friends very discreetly (we had a whole talk about not hurting other people's feelings - so not to talk about her party at school or mention who was invited, etc.).

When Halle came home that day I asked her how it went. She said she really sneakily put each invitation in each friend's desk. She then mentioned to me that her friend Haleigh wasn't there. I asked her what she did with Haleigh's invitation. Was it still in her backpack? Halle said she put it in the desk and left it there for her tomorrow.

It didn't cause me too much concern, even though they share desks with the afternoon class taught by a different teacher. Usually Halle's teacher does a desk check before they leave. Anyone who is absent - their papers (memos' for home) are collected and then given to them when they return. I was sure the invitation would either get to the teacher or still be there the next morning. After all, it had a big "Haleigh" written on it.

The week went on and I didn't think about the invitation again. On Friday Halle mentioned that all her friends from school said they were coming but that Haleigh hadn't received her invitation. I figured there were many reasons for that. The teacher forgot to give it to her or misplaced it. Haleigh lost it before she showed her mom. Maybe an alien stole it. Hey - you never know with kids.

I told Halle not to worry that she could take another one with her to school on Monday. So Haleigh received a new invitation. And her mom called and RSVP'd.

Before the party everyone had RSVP'd except one girl. Halle assured me she was coming and I planned on it but wasn't for sure about it. Late morning, on the day of the party, I received a phone call. I'm not the best at hearing on the phone (or apparently hearing it ring) and didn't quite hear everything a quick and quiet voice said on the other side. All that I remember is, "My daughter will be able to come to your party." "Great! " I told her and the conversation was done. I didn't recall hearing the name, "Grace, " but assumed that it must have been her mother that called since she was the only one that had not RSVP'd.

As the guests start coming, Halle gets more and more excited. She is so bubbly about finally having her party and having all her friends come to play. She does a great job of playing host by showing everyone where to put their shoes and their presents and then shows them where to start decorating their fairy wings.

Several guests have arrived when a mother and daughter start walking up to our door. I've never seen either of them before in my life. They ask if this is Halle's party. So of course I say, "Yes." I'm a little confused and paralyzed with what I am supposed to do. Why are they here? The girl looks ready and excited for a party - how do I tell them that they were not invited and that I don't know them?

As they come in the door Leighton sees them and yells out the girls name, "Arianna." All of a sudden my mind does some clicking. First click - Leighton knows Arianna - she must be in the pm kindergarten class - she must have gotten the invitation for Haleigh. Second click - I think I remember the name "Arianna" from the phone call earlier, but was thinking that "Arianna" was the mother's name and she was introducing herself. How could I be such a block head?

I still don't know what to do. I don't mind another girl coming and having fun - but I am feeling guilty about her bringing a present for someone she doesn't even know. I hate confrontation and I hate making people feel bad. So, I do nothing. Talk about sins of omission!!!! And before I know it the mother has left.

I try to make Arianna feel as welcome as possible. She and Leighton hang out together and Halle even includes her in everything. But still, I am wondering where this will all go. I plan on explaining the mistake and returning the present to the mom when she comes back to collect her daughter. And hope she doesn't feel too awkward at the crazy situation.

The party is almost at an end and I let the girls loose so they can just play. They all rush, like a herd of screaming elephants, down to Halle's room. I am glad for a few moments of piece and quiet. As they play downstairs I do a little cleaning up. And before I know it the mommies are arriving. As I go down to collect a couple of the girls I notice that Halle has taken down one of her presents with her. Which present? Arianna's of course - the one that I was going to return. It was Hannah Montana make-up and all the girls were eager to put some on. There was no way I could return it now.

So, again, when the mom came to collect Arianna I totally froze as to what to say or do. They left without a word from my mouth. And now of course I am going mental about what I should have done and what they are thinking. Has Arianna told her mother that she had no clue who the birthday girl was? Why did I let them in? Why didn't I say anything? Will I ever see her again?

My thinking - I didn't want to embarrass them and didn't want to disappoint a little girl who thought she was going to a birthday party.

But, was it a hardship for them? Was buying a present a burden? Was using up gas to come to my house a burden? You just don't know what kind of situation people are coming from.

Or, was it fun to be invited to a birthday party. Did she make new friends.

Why were they not confused at the invitation being addressed to "Haleigh." Was it because the name "Halle" was inside?

Oh well, what's done is done. Next year (if there is a party next year) I will personally hand deliver each and every invitation to the correct recipient.