Serving - Not Being Taken Advantage Of

I am really grateful for a wonderful article that my friend Andrea shared with me. The article is called, "In the Service of Life," by Rachel Naomi Remen. Here are some quotes that I liked:

* "Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength."

* "Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they owe you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the person I am serving. When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things."

* "A server knows that he or she is being used and has a willingness to be used in the service of something greater, something essentially unknown."

* "The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving. And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul. They may look similar if you're watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different, too."

* "Our service serves us as well as others. That which uses us strengthens us. Over time, fixing and helping are draining, depleting. Over time we burn out. Service is renewing. When we serve, our work itself will sustain us."

* "Fundamentally, helping, fixing and service are ways of seeing life. When you help you see life as weak, when you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. From the perspective of service, we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing."

These quotes really help me out when I feel like I am "helping" and getting completely drained and resentful.

One of these situations my husband volunteered me for. One of his colleges at school wanted his daughter to be able to attend Ferris preschool. But, since he and the mom work, the daughter is in day care and had no way of getting to and from preschool. Originally they wanted me to pick up their daughter and drop her back off for them. And Chris happily said I would do it. Then when he talked to me about it (several weeks after the fact) I pointed out that logistically I couldn't be in two places at the same time. Getting my own kids on the bus and off to school and picking up some stranger's kid off of 61st and Regal. So then Chris told them they could drop their daughter off at my house and then I could take her to preschool when it was time.

Thankfully it worked out that the mom could adjust her work schedule so that she can drop her daughter off on Mondays and Tuesdays. So all I have to do is pick her up on Mondays and Tuesdays and drive her to her day care. (Her grandma takes care of her on Fridays).

For the longest time I was so mad at Chris for putting me in this situation and not listening to my "NO! I don't want to do this." But after reading and internalizing this article my heart has been softened and I am now finding joy in being able to get to know such a cute girl and knowing that I am responsible for getting her safely to day care. And it has also been good for Sean, he loves having someone to sit by and talk to in the empty van as we drive.

Situation two - I am still working on finding the joy in - but at least my attitude is not as bad as at first.

My neighbor works as a nurse. Last year she had a floating schedule, this year she works every Thursday and Friday. They have jump rope club at Adams, so on Thursdays she drives her kids there at 8am and then off to work she goes. I don't know what she did the first couple of Friday mornings dealing with kids and work - and it was not any concern to me.

Then, on the third Thursday of school, late in the evening she gives me a call explaining that her supervisor needs her to come in earlier, so could she drop the kids off at my house and then have me walk everyone down to the bus stop when it is time? "Sure," I say sympathetically.

So, Friday morning comes and so do the kids. When it is time to leave for the bus stop all six kids (my 3 and her 3) come filing out of my front door, all in a line and start walking down the street. It was actually pretty funny as they are usually not so orderly and our neighbors (who are fixing up their house) across the street had some workers outside. The workers all smiled and laughed as they saw all these kids coming out of my house. We made it to the bus stop and all was well.

The next Friday comes and so do my neighbors kids again!!! (Thank goodness I was dressed - that doesn't always happen until right before we leave the house.) I was so shocked! What was up? She didn't call. I very much recall that our last phone conversation had only mentioned a one time deal of them coming over in the morning. And so, every Friday since, I have 3 extra kids at my house in the morning and 6 kids to shepherd down to the bus stop.

So on Monday and Tuesdays I get to take one little girl to daycare and on Fridays I get 3 extra kids in the morning. But that is okay, because that is part of life and I like being a part of it. I am not going to help - I am going to serve because I love my neighbors. And, selfishly, serving will fill me up while just helping will drain all my energy and make me mad. I am glad I get to choose. I am going to choose to be happy and enjoy my opportunities to interface with life.

Preschool Circle

I'm freaking out a little. My baby is going to school. I was so worried he was going to have a hard time. All summer, and even just recently, when we mentioned that he would be going to preschool Sean would throw a fit. It didn't seem like it was something he wanted to do. He would just reply that he wanted to stay home with mommy. As nice as that thought is, it doesn't earn as many brownie points as actually being out of my hair.

But, as it turns out he likes it. He gets to wave to Mrs. Crater, play with the toys, and see his friends Jack and Lily. He actually wanted to know why he wasn't going to school on Wednesday and Thursday. I am so grateful for the turn around! I hope he keeps this attitude all year (but that is a lot to hope for).

Part of his preschool ritual is to use the preschool potty before going into class. Potty training has been grueling with Sean (as bad as it was with Chad) and so he is still working on not having accidents and we have yet to do a voluntary BM on the potty. So, it cracks me up that he is so insistent on using the potty at school. Which is a good thing!!!

Sean - ready for his first day of preschool.

Alec, Lily, Sean, Eli, and Jack hanging out together on the first day.

Sean and Adam getting walked out to their mommies.

Sean keeping himself busy!

I still can't get my mind around Sean being old enough for preschool. Being the youngest of my little bunch, he is still my smallest and least grown up - my baby. But when Chad was his age Chad seemed so old and so ready for preschool. It is amazing how perspective changes. What also really throws me is how everything has come full circle. When Chad was 3 and starting preschool, Halle was a 1 year old and Sean was just conceived and growing nicely in my tummy. So technically, Sean has been going to preschool for the past four years. So, when I first started going to preschool I always had three kids with me. When Halle started I only had two kids with me. And now, with Sean, he is the only one and the last one. When his turn is done at Ferris it will be a final farewell.

So, what have I been doing with my precious childless moments? Monday - had to attend the preschool meeting and fill out paperwork. Tuesday - caught up on phone calls, paper work, laundry, and anything else that needed getting done around the house so I didn't feel guilty about not having any kids to take care of. Friday - took a nap as I have been sick the rest of the week and am still trying to recuperate.

It has been a little lonely and totally weird driving my minivan around without a child restrained in a seat somewhere. It has also been very quiet - which I like a lot. It is also emotional - knowing that I am permanently phasing out of the baby stage and seeing my little group of kids growing and moving on. They can't wait for more growth and exploration of their world. I cling to every memory and hope they enjoy their childhood before it passes too quickly. I've never enjoyed being a mom more than this year - but there are also a lot of things I will miss as my life moves into the next season.

Going to the Fair

Sean loves his new clown friend.

For the past 5 years my kids and I have faithfully attended the Spokane County Fair. (Sometimes dad joins us and sometimes grandma and bompa come too.) Mostly I love to go because I enjoy watching the expressions on my children's faces more than anything. There is so much amazement and wonderment in their eyes as they look at all the rides and lights. Then there are the delightful squeals and laughter of looking at and trying to touch the animals.

It was a milestone year - as it was the first year we did not take a stroller! Everyone walked and there was no crying!!!! (We were our own show at the fair the first year we took Halle. She was just 3 1/2 months old and still crying all the time. Everywhere we went people would stare and wonder what we were going to do to stop the baby from crying. Of course what on lookers didn't know - is that there wasn't anything to do. Halle just cries - that is what she was good at - and there was nothing or nobody that could have prevented it.)

Halle is all smiles now. Proudly posing in front of the biggest pumpkin.

Bompa and Chad get their minds in motion at the science display.

Halle gets to pet a chicken.

The boys get fascinated with a pig.

Say "Moo!"

Posing by a long-horn cow.

Chad checks out the fire engine.

Grandma and Bompa takes the kids on a train ride.

It's tractor riding time. Chad uses his imagination to go on a great ride (and it was free!).

Halle chooses her tractor to ride.

Sean thinks he is ready to drive. Watch out - here he comes!

My other favorite memories of this event:

1) Chris teasing a mother long-horn cow and getting her to run and head-butt into the cage. That was pretty scary! It made us all jump. Chris thought it was fun and keep at it for a while.

2) Chris teaching Sean to sing the words, "Bacon, bacon, bacon," at all the pigs.

3) Sean getting almost literally scared to death. As we were walking through the cow barn, one of the boys who had a cow in a stall had set up a pretend spider to fly down from the ceiling. It came down right in front of Sean and made him jump right out of his skin. For the rest of the evening he only looked up - trying to prevent another spider attack from happening.

These are the moments I am glad I have kids. It wouldn't have been half as fun going to the fair without them. In fact - I would probably never go. So thank you Chad, Halle, and Sean (and yes, Chris) for making my life fun.

Cute! Cute! Cute!!!

Halle's most beloved and favorite cousin, Lindsey, came from Portland for a surprise visit a couple of weeks ago. She and Halle are like two peas in a pod!!!! They look alike and act alike and are completely inseperable when they are together.

Ding-dong. Who is at the door?

Surprise! It's Lindsey.

A big hug!

Grandma takes Lindsey, Aunt Arlia, and Halle out for ice-cream at the Coeur d'Alene Hotel.

Jeraldine took them both to Sears to have their pictures taken together. And all I can say is: Cute! Cute! Cute!!!

Last Day to Play, First Day of School.

To celebrate our last play day of the summer my family and I went to Riverfront Park on Labor Day. We had season passes to all the rides and fun at Riverfront Park. So we spent the day getting our last fill of dizzying fun.

Bumping around in the bumper boats.

And although it smelt delicious and was very tempting, we did not, "Pig Out in the Park." Had it been my choice - I would have sampled and sampled until I literally burst. But as it was my husband's choice - we did 5 hamburgers for $3.99 at Arctic Circle.

My kids were very excited for school. It is always fun to have new stuff!!! New backpacks, new pencils, new shoes, new clothes, etc. I had also hyped them up all summer about going to their new school (which is really a very old school), Adams.

Halle and Chad ready for the first day of school.

I had planned on driving them to school the first day. But they both insisted on taking the bus. After the bus finally arrived (at the new and more inconvenient bus stop) and the children were on board (9:05 am - and they still had to drive to the school) I quickly ran to my van and drove to the school as fast as I could in hopes of catching my kids off the bus.

Chad and Halle with their bus stop buddies.

I beat the bus, but by the time I found parking and then walked the half mile to the school my kids had already found their way to their classrooms inside the building.

I was still a little nervous about sending my kids to Adams. But after meeting with both of their teachers the Friday before and seeing how well organized they both were the first day of school I felt a little more comfortable. In fact each day I have been more and more impressed with Adams over Lincoln Heights.

Halle, absolutely thrilled to be in kindergarten!

Chad, sculpting his name from clay.

Now the busing is another story. As I already mentioned the bus was way late in picking up the kids for school the first day and the second day. Today it was only 5 minutes late and my children made it to school before everyone else had already lined up and gone in.

The first day Halle took the bus home, I was already nervous enough for her. But when she was an hour and a half late in getting home I was about in tears. The school kept reassuring me that she was on her way - but it sure took a long time. I was positive that she was probably crying and never wanting to take the bus or go to school again. But when she got off the bus she was as happy as could be. She was just so excited to go to school and have a bus ride!!!!

The irony of the busing story is that they changed our neighborhood's school boundaries to help save money in transportation costs in a domino effect with closing down Pratt Elementary. Well, the bus that brought Halle home is the Lincoln Heights Bus!!!!!!!! The bus comes all the way from Lincoln Heights (after collecting their children) to pick up Halle and then drops her off home and then takes the rest of the children home. Can you say Lame?! Stupid?! Does anyone in the transportation office have a brain?

And then today, after Chad's bus was 20 minutes late again in dropping him off home, my neighbor called to say that her son had forgot to go to express and would I please collect him from the bus stop, drive him back to the school, and check him into express. I was glad I could help out - but thought it was funny that here I had just waited 40 minutes for my son to come home and then I ended up driving back to the school anyway.

Last year I loved the bus. This year, I am not so sure yet.

I'm just glad my kids are enjoying school. It has been fun to have just Sean around with me in the mornings. But at the same time I can't wait for preschool to start! Don't try calling me or dropping by M,T, or F mornings! I will be savoring my peace and quiet!!!!! (Just kidding - I won't know what to do with myself!)

Sean keeping himself entertained during our 1 1/2 hour wait for Halle.

I never did end up getting a photo of either Chad or Halle getting on or off the bus. I was always so flustered and worried, that taking a picture was the last thing on my mind.

Sean Humor

Using anything to bribe Sean into using the potty I bought a bag of licorice. All day long Sean would keep asking me if he could have a "ticklish." (You bet I tickled him!)

Today he came up to me with a straight face and said, "Mommy, I have a cute bum." and then walked away. (Or did he turn around to show me his cute side?)

The Batman Party

Chad is my oldest child, but he has the last birthday month of the three kids. So by the time it is finally his birthday he is more than ready to celebrate. As seems to be our theme this year - Chad had an extended birthday. He had friend party the Saturday before (since we would be out of town the following Saturday), his nanny and uncle David came for a visit, and then he had his actual birthday date of August 23, 2007 to turn 7 years old.

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Happy Birthday Chad!!!!

What I love about Chad.

1. He has a sincere and sensitive heart.

2. I love the big dimple in his left cheek when he smiles.

3. He makes up his own interesting phrases that crack me up.

4. He doesn't like to give up.

5. He gets his big blue eyes from Chris' mom and my dad.

6. He is not afraid of bugs or snakes - in fact he loves them!!!!!! (And he catches all the spiders in our house for me!)

7. He has a talent at building/putting things together. Especially bionicles.

8. He puts up with being my guinea pig child.

9. He loves people and includes everyone as being one of his friends.

10. He has great confidence in himself. He knows when he is good at something and isn't afraid to tell you!