10th Wedding Anniversary

It was a crisp, clear morning and I woke up early - surprisingly refreshed and alert. As I had nestled into my bed last night, I didn't think I would be able to sleep a wink as the next day was going to be the biggest day of my life. I never thought tomorrow would come - and here it was, tomorrow - really here!!!

I stared at my left hand, as I did so often as of late, to look at the shiny rock hugged with love around my ring finger. If any one would have told me I would meet the man of my dreams, fall in love, and get married by the end of the year I would have thought them totally insane and dismissed any further demented words from their false mouths. But here it was, October 10, 1997 and the day of my wedding.

I was so excited I didn't know what to do first. Wake everyone in the house up, eat breakfast, take a shower, or just start screaming?! Luckily I was able to hold all the screaming in - but it did escape in small bursts through the permanent smile on my mouth and glazed over look in my eyes.

After eating some food (which helped to settle my stomach a bit) and drying my hair my sister-in-law, Lorilee, arrived to do my hair and nails. I'd never had a sister (just three boisterous brothers) so it was nice to finally have a sister-in-law. Lorilee was great and totally pampered me. She combed through my hair, twisted it into a fancy french braid and curled my wispy ends. Then she proceeded to file my nails and paint them with a french manicure. They looked totally professional (but then I have never had them professionally done before either) except for the few scratches and dents I clumsily managed to acquire before they were completely dry. I then got dressed in my pretty blue dress. I felt like a total princess.

After my make-over and getting my wedding dress ready I was eager for the rest of the day to proceed. The longer I waited the more nervous I got. Again, I just couldn't believe this day was really happening to me! I had seriously brushed off men and the idea of ever getting married. Just a few months ago I had been totally resigned to turning into an old school marm -slash- single, scary lady with all the cats.

I still kept waiting for my fairy-tale dream to disintegrate into just that, a dream that would fade away at a moments notice. I thought back to a few years ago, of one of my relatives and his wedding. He was at the temple, in the sealing room, and at the alter, when his fiances decided not to marry him. I remember how devastating that was. I didn't want that crushing experience. But the more I waited for Chris to show up so we could drive to the temple together, the more my paranoid thoughts focused on my happiness being terminated. I certainly wouldn't blame Chris for backing out! He was, after all, marrying me - a psycho woman.

But, despite my spiraling negativity, my protector of happiness, Chris, showed up at my house right on time and as eager to go to the temple as I was. It seemed too surreal to just get in a car with him and drive down the road, like we had done hundreds of times before, but this time we had an eternal destiny waiting for us at the end of our drive.

Nerves really took over as we entered the temple. After checking in and making sure all the paper work was in order, Chris and I went our separate ways. Divided by gender momentarily, only to be joined together as husband and wife when we saw each other again.

The ladies in the dressing room were divine. Overly excited and happy to see yet another bride come through the temple for that day. They showed me a locker and then to the bridal dressing room where I was provided an under-garment to make my wedding dress temple worthy. After more pampering and oohs and aahhs from my mom and sister-in-law I was at last ready.

Not quite sure of what to do with the locker room key (no pocket in my wedding dress like my temple dress has) I gave the key to my mother. My mother than put the key in her purse. (A small detail that comes into play later in my wedding story).

Finally the moment of all moments has arrived. Chris and I are shown into a large and beautiful room. In that room is my family, my future family and many wonderful friends. A small glimpse of heaven as kind, smiling faces look toward us with anticipation and experience written upon their countenances.

After our arrival we are gestured to sit on the love seat together. As we sit we are holding hands and every breath I take seems to be loud and audible. As the sealer addresses us and starts to speak on marriage I slowly notice a weird rumbling. What is that shaking I can feel? Is it an earthquake?! I am really confused. I am trying to take in the moment, I am trying to listen to the marriage sealer, and I look around to see if anyone else is troubled by the rumbling. After several long moments of searching and thinking I finally realize that it is me who is shaking. My whole body is quaking with happiness and fear at the same time. I realize that what I am about to do will be the biggest commitment of my life. That I am pledging myself to Chris. I love him and think he is the best - but were we a little hasty in getting married? Did I pick the right person? Will I still love him in a year, five years, 10 years, 50 years, eternity? Will he still love me? It is a lot to think about while you are in the temple and can actually see a view of eternity.

A quick prayer later I start to calm down. I am filled with immense peace and tranquility. I KNOW that Chris is the right one for me and that we will be together for ever. It is now time to kneel at the alter. As I look into his eyes, they are wet, ready to burst with tears. My eyes join his and my heart feels like it will explode. I quickly glance past his head, into the mirrors and view eternity yet again. It is a good eternity. I will always have my best friend to be with me. And then, before I know it we both say "yes," and are pronounced man and wife.

We then have our first kiss as man and wife. It was the best kiss of my life. We then quickly exchange rings and then the crying and hug fest begins as all our friends and family congratulate us. We did it!!!! What a feeling.

The next must do item, is to go outside and greet our other friends and family unable to attend the ceremony in the temple and of course take plenty and plenty of pictures. (I never wanted to smile again after this day!)

Walking out the temple as man and wife. We did it!!!

A group photo with friends and family.

My side of the family.

Chris' side of the family.

Not afraid of a little PDA (at least not on our wedding day).

Enjoying the moment.

Sealed together for eternity in the Mount Timpanogos Temple.

With aching mouths from smiling, we weren't at all sad when the pictures came to an end. As Chris and I went back into the temple to change, the rest of our family and friends returned to their cars and starting driving to Spanish Fork for our wedding lunch.

My mother stayed to help me with my wedding dress. After entering the dressing room I needed the key to my locker so that I could retrieve my other clothes. I asked my mom for the key. Her face was a blank. "What key?"

"Mom, you know, the key I gave you to take care of!"

"Oh, oh, oh. I put it in my purse. And then I gave my purse to nan. Nan is getting a ride to Spanish Fork with your brother, David."

Uh oh!!!! The key is long gone to Spanish Fork. And being in the days of no cells phones (at least no one my family had one) there was no way to get the key back unless someone drove all the way from American Fork to Spanish Fork and back again. A drive that would consist of at least an hour and a half.

We find some temple workers and explain the situation. We are told that we should have hung the key up, and then they proceed to show us where it should have gone. It would have been nice if they had mentioned that a lot earlier - like when they first issued me a locker! They do have one master key, but the sealer has it. So they will have to go and find the sealer to borrow the key to unlock my locker so that I can get dressed and join my own wedding party for lunch. They also sweetly say that they will inform my husband (Wow, how do you get used to that word? I guess it takes about 10 years.) I will be delayed and explain the reason.

I proceed to get undressed in the dressing room to help speed up the process. So I sit in the temple, in my underwear waiting, waiting, waiting for a key. 30 minutes later we hear the joyous cry of, "We have the key!" They pass the key over the locker room door, I open up the locker and pass the key back. I get dressed as quickly as I can (noting of course that I have to put on pantyhose). Finally my mother and I head out of the dressing room to find Chris.

Chris is easy to spot. He would be the one sitting on the bench just outside the dressing rooms with a very worried expression on his face. Apparently they did not tell him about the situation (they told another new husband the news) and was wondering what was going on. Poor man. So, finally we are united and on our way to celebrate.

A great feast and celebration in Spanish Fork was awaiting us when we finally arrived. (And of course we got a pretty good ribbing about arriving 40 minutes later than everyone else. What were we doing?! No one wanted to believe the lost key story. Thank goodness we had evidence - they key tucked safely into my mother's purse.) Many speeches were made and of course there was the constant glass tinkling, our cue to have yet another kiss.

The most memorable part of the lunch is when Chris, and his two college friends, Trevor (whose wedding we met at) and Dave (still a bachelor at that date) sang some of the songs they had come up with during some of their lonely nights back in their college days when they felt lonely and dejected from women.

One of the songs sung was called The Pig Song. It is really a great song - and hilarious. You will have to have Chris sing it to you sometime!!!! (He sings it to the kids at night time.)

But the song I looked forward to the most was one that had been sung at my friend, Dayna's, wedding. Dave had written the music, but the words were all completely composed by my one and only, Chris. It was such a beautiful and romantic moment to be sung to. It made my fairy-tale love story complete.

(I would love to post the words to my special song - but alas they are in my journal that has mysteriously disappeared at the moment. As soon as they are retrieved I will enlighten you all.)

Today is October 10th, 2007. Chris and I have made it 10 years! And we have many wonderful memories of our wedding day and every day since then.

Serving - Not Being Taken Advantage Of

I am really grateful for a wonderful article that my friend Andrea shared with me. The article is called, "In the Service of Life," by Rachel Naomi Remen. Here are some quotes that I liked:

* "Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength."

* "Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they owe you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the person I am serving. When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things."

* "A server knows that he or she is being used and has a willingness to be used in the service of something greater, something essentially unknown."

* "The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving. And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul. They may look similar if you're watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different, too."

* "Our service serves us as well as others. That which uses us strengthens us. Over time, fixing and helping are draining, depleting. Over time we burn out. Service is renewing. When we serve, our work itself will sustain us."

* "Fundamentally, helping, fixing and service are ways of seeing life. When you help you see life as weak, when you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. From the perspective of service, we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing."

These quotes really help me out when I feel like I am "helping" and getting completely drained and resentful.

One of these situations my husband volunteered me for. One of his colleges at school wanted his daughter to be able to attend Ferris preschool. But, since he and the mom work, the daughter is in day care and had no way of getting to and from preschool. Originally they wanted me to pick up their daughter and drop her back off for them. And Chris happily said I would do it. Then when he talked to me about it (several weeks after the fact) I pointed out that logistically I couldn't be in two places at the same time. Getting my own kids on the bus and off to school and picking up some stranger's kid off of 61st and Regal. So then Chris told them they could drop their daughter off at my house and then I could take her to preschool when it was time.

Thankfully it worked out that the mom could adjust her work schedule so that she can drop her daughter off on Mondays and Tuesdays. So all I have to do is pick her up on Mondays and Tuesdays and drive her to her day care. (Her grandma takes care of her on Fridays).

For the longest time I was so mad at Chris for putting me in this situation and not listening to my "NO! I don't want to do this." But after reading and internalizing this article my heart has been softened and I am now finding joy in being able to get to know such a cute girl and knowing that I am responsible for getting her safely to day care. And it has also been good for Sean, he loves having someone to sit by and talk to in the empty van as we drive.

Situation two - I am still working on finding the joy in - but at least my attitude is not as bad as at first.

My neighbor works as a nurse. Last year she had a floating schedule, this year she works every Thursday and Friday. They have jump rope club at Adams, so on Thursdays she drives her kids there at 8am and then off to work she goes. I don't know what she did the first couple of Friday mornings dealing with kids and work - and it was not any concern to me.

Then, on the third Thursday of school, late in the evening she gives me a call explaining that her supervisor needs her to come in earlier, so could she drop the kids off at my house and then have me walk everyone down to the bus stop when it is time? "Sure," I say sympathetically.

So, Friday morning comes and so do the kids. When it is time to leave for the bus stop all six kids (my 3 and her 3) come filing out of my front door, all in a line and start walking down the street. It was actually pretty funny as they are usually not so orderly and our neighbors (who are fixing up their house) across the street had some workers outside. The workers all smiled and laughed as they saw all these kids coming out of my house. We made it to the bus stop and all was well.

The next Friday comes and so do my neighbors kids again!!! (Thank goodness I was dressed - that doesn't always happen until right before we leave the house.) I was so shocked! What was up? She didn't call. I very much recall that our last phone conversation had only mentioned a one time deal of them coming over in the morning. And so, every Friday since, I have 3 extra kids at my house in the morning and 6 kids to shepherd down to the bus stop.

So on Monday and Tuesdays I get to take one little girl to daycare and on Fridays I get 3 extra kids in the morning. But that is okay, because that is part of life and I like being a part of it. I am not going to help - I am going to serve because I love my neighbors. And, selfishly, serving will fill me up while just helping will drain all my energy and make me mad. I am glad I get to choose. I am going to choose to be happy and enjoy my opportunities to interface with life.

Preschool Circle

I'm freaking out a little. My baby is going to school. I was so worried he was going to have a hard time. All summer, and even just recently, when we mentioned that he would be going to preschool Sean would throw a fit. It didn't seem like it was something he wanted to do. He would just reply that he wanted to stay home with mommy. As nice as that thought is, it doesn't earn as many brownie points as actually being out of my hair.

But, as it turns out he likes it. He gets to wave to Mrs. Crater, play with the toys, and see his friends Jack and Lily. He actually wanted to know why he wasn't going to school on Wednesday and Thursday. I am so grateful for the turn around! I hope he keeps this attitude all year (but that is a lot to hope for).

Part of his preschool ritual is to use the preschool potty before going into class. Potty training has been grueling with Sean (as bad as it was with Chad) and so he is still working on not having accidents and we have yet to do a voluntary BM on the potty. So, it cracks me up that he is so insistent on using the potty at school. Which is a good thing!!!

Sean - ready for his first day of preschool.

Alec, Lily, Sean, Eli, and Jack hanging out together on the first day.

Sean and Adam getting walked out to their mommies.

Sean keeping himself busy!

I still can't get my mind around Sean being old enough for preschool. Being the youngest of my little bunch, he is still my smallest and least grown up - my baby. But when Chad was his age Chad seemed so old and so ready for preschool. It is amazing how perspective changes. What also really throws me is how everything has come full circle. When Chad was 3 and starting preschool, Halle was a 1 year old and Sean was just conceived and growing nicely in my tummy. So technically, Sean has been going to preschool for the past four years. So, when I first started going to preschool I always had three kids with me. When Halle started I only had two kids with me. And now, with Sean, he is the only one and the last one. When his turn is done at Ferris it will be a final farewell.

So, what have I been doing with my precious childless moments? Monday - had to attend the preschool meeting and fill out paperwork. Tuesday - caught up on phone calls, paper work, laundry, and anything else that needed getting done around the house so I didn't feel guilty about not having any kids to take care of. Friday - took a nap as I have been sick the rest of the week and am still trying to recuperate.

It has been a little lonely and totally weird driving my minivan around without a child restrained in a seat somewhere. It has also been very quiet - which I like a lot. It is also emotional - knowing that I am permanently phasing out of the baby stage and seeing my little group of kids growing and moving on. They can't wait for more growth and exploration of their world. I cling to every memory and hope they enjoy their childhood before it passes too quickly. I've never enjoyed being a mom more than this year - but there are also a lot of things I will miss as my life moves into the next season.

Going to the Fair

Sean loves his new clown friend.

For the past 5 years my kids and I have faithfully attended the Spokane County Fair. (Sometimes dad joins us and sometimes grandma and bompa come too.) Mostly I love to go because I enjoy watching the expressions on my children's faces more than anything. There is so much amazement and wonderment in their eyes as they look at all the rides and lights. Then there are the delightful squeals and laughter of looking at and trying to touch the animals.

It was a milestone year - as it was the first year we did not take a stroller! Everyone walked and there was no crying!!!! (We were our own show at the fair the first year we took Halle. She was just 3 1/2 months old and still crying all the time. Everywhere we went people would stare and wonder what we were going to do to stop the baby from crying. Of course what on lookers didn't know - is that there wasn't anything to do. Halle just cries - that is what she was good at - and there was nothing or nobody that could have prevented it.)

Halle is all smiles now. Proudly posing in front of the biggest pumpkin.

Bompa and Chad get their minds in motion at the science display.

Halle gets to pet a chicken.

The boys get fascinated with a pig.

Say "Moo!"

Posing by a long-horn cow.

Chad checks out the fire engine.

Grandma and Bompa takes the kids on a train ride.

It's tractor riding time. Chad uses his imagination to go on a great ride (and it was free!).

Halle chooses her tractor to ride.

Sean thinks he is ready to drive. Watch out - here he comes!

My other favorite memories of this event:

1) Chris teasing a mother long-horn cow and getting her to run and head-butt into the cage. That was pretty scary! It made us all jump. Chris thought it was fun and keep at it for a while.

2) Chris teaching Sean to sing the words, "Bacon, bacon, bacon," at all the pigs.

3) Sean getting almost literally scared to death. As we were walking through the cow barn, one of the boys who had a cow in a stall had set up a pretend spider to fly down from the ceiling. It came down right in front of Sean and made him jump right out of his skin. For the rest of the evening he only looked up - trying to prevent another spider attack from happening.

These are the moments I am glad I have kids. It wouldn't have been half as fun going to the fair without them. In fact - I would probably never go. So thank you Chad, Halle, and Sean (and yes, Chris) for making my life fun.

Cute! Cute! Cute!!!

Halle's most beloved and favorite cousin, Lindsey, came from Portland for a surprise visit a couple of weeks ago. She and Halle are like two peas in a pod!!!! They look alike and act alike and are completely inseperable when they are together.

Ding-dong. Who is at the door?

Surprise! It's Lindsey.

A big hug!

Grandma takes Lindsey, Aunt Arlia, and Halle out for ice-cream at the Coeur d'Alene Hotel.

Jeraldine took them both to Sears to have their pictures taken together. And all I can say is: Cute! Cute! Cute!!!

Last Day to Play, First Day of School.

To celebrate our last play day of the summer my family and I went to Riverfront Park on Labor Day. We had season passes to all the rides and fun at Riverfront Park. So we spent the day getting our last fill of dizzying fun.

Bumping around in the bumper boats.

And although it smelt delicious and was very tempting, we did not, "Pig Out in the Park." Had it been my choice - I would have sampled and sampled until I literally burst. But as it was my husband's choice - we did 5 hamburgers for $3.99 at Arctic Circle.

My kids were very excited for school. It is always fun to have new stuff!!! New backpacks, new pencils, new shoes, new clothes, etc. I had also hyped them up all summer about going to their new school (which is really a very old school), Adams.

Halle and Chad ready for the first day of school.

I had planned on driving them to school the first day. But they both insisted on taking the bus. After the bus finally arrived (at the new and more inconvenient bus stop) and the children were on board (9:05 am - and they still had to drive to the school) I quickly ran to my van and drove to the school as fast as I could in hopes of catching my kids off the bus.

Chad and Halle with their bus stop buddies.

I beat the bus, but by the time I found parking and then walked the half mile to the school my kids had already found their way to their classrooms inside the building.

I was still a little nervous about sending my kids to Adams. But after meeting with both of their teachers the Friday before and seeing how well organized they both were the first day of school I felt a little more comfortable. In fact each day I have been more and more impressed with Adams over Lincoln Heights.

Halle, absolutely thrilled to be in kindergarten!

Chad, sculpting his name from clay.

Now the busing is another story. As I already mentioned the bus was way late in picking up the kids for school the first day and the second day. Today it was only 5 minutes late and my children made it to school before everyone else had already lined up and gone in.

The first day Halle took the bus home, I was already nervous enough for her. But when she was an hour and a half late in getting home I was about in tears. The school kept reassuring me that she was on her way - but it sure took a long time. I was positive that she was probably crying and never wanting to take the bus or go to school again. But when she got off the bus she was as happy as could be. She was just so excited to go to school and have a bus ride!!!!

The irony of the busing story is that they changed our neighborhood's school boundaries to help save money in transportation costs in a domino effect with closing down Pratt Elementary. Well, the bus that brought Halle home is the Lincoln Heights Bus!!!!!!!! The bus comes all the way from Lincoln Heights (after collecting their children) to pick up Halle and then drops her off home and then takes the rest of the children home. Can you say Lame?! Stupid?! Does anyone in the transportation office have a brain?

And then today, after Chad's bus was 20 minutes late again in dropping him off home, my neighbor called to say that her son had forgot to go to express and would I please collect him from the bus stop, drive him back to the school, and check him into express. I was glad I could help out - but thought it was funny that here I had just waited 40 minutes for my son to come home and then I ended up driving back to the school anyway.

Last year I loved the bus. This year, I am not so sure yet.

I'm just glad my kids are enjoying school. It has been fun to have just Sean around with me in the mornings. But at the same time I can't wait for preschool to start! Don't try calling me or dropping by M,T, or F mornings! I will be savoring my peace and quiet!!!!! (Just kidding - I won't know what to do with myself!)

Sean keeping himself entertained during our 1 1/2 hour wait for Halle.

I never did end up getting a photo of either Chad or Halle getting on or off the bus. I was always so flustered and worried, that taking a picture was the last thing on my mind.

Sean Humor

Using anything to bribe Sean into using the potty I bought a bag of licorice. All day long Sean would keep asking me if he could have a "ticklish." (You bet I tickled him!)

Today he came up to me with a straight face and said, "Mommy, I have a cute bum." and then walked away. (Or did he turn around to show me his cute side?)