10th Wedding Anniversary

It was a crisp, clear morning and I woke up early - surprisingly refreshed and alert. As I had nestled into my bed last night, I didn't think I would be able to sleep a wink as the next day was going to be the biggest day of my life. I never thought tomorrow would come - and here it was, tomorrow - really here!!!

I stared at my left hand, as I did so often as of late, to look at the shiny rock hugged with love around my ring finger. If any one would have told me I would meet the man of my dreams, fall in love, and get married by the end of the year I would have thought them totally insane and dismissed any further demented words from their false mouths. But here it was, October 10, 1997 and the day of my wedding.

I was so excited I didn't know what to do first. Wake everyone in the house up, eat breakfast, take a shower, or just start screaming?! Luckily I was able to hold all the screaming in - but it did escape in small bursts through the permanent smile on my mouth and glazed over look in my eyes.

After eating some food (which helped to settle my stomach a bit) and drying my hair my sister-in-law, Lorilee, arrived to do my hair and nails. I'd never had a sister (just three boisterous brothers) so it was nice to finally have a sister-in-law. Lorilee was great and totally pampered me. She combed through my hair, twisted it into a fancy french braid and curled my wispy ends. Then she proceeded to file my nails and paint them with a french manicure. They looked totally professional (but then I have never had them professionally done before either) except for the few scratches and dents I clumsily managed to acquire before they were completely dry. I then got dressed in my pretty blue dress. I felt like a total princess.

After my make-over and getting my wedding dress ready I was eager for the rest of the day to proceed. The longer I waited the more nervous I got. Again, I just couldn't believe this day was really happening to me! I had seriously brushed off men and the idea of ever getting married. Just a few months ago I had been totally resigned to turning into an old school marm -slash- single, scary lady with all the cats.

I still kept waiting for my fairy-tale dream to disintegrate into just that, a dream that would fade away at a moments notice. I thought back to a few years ago, of one of my relatives and his wedding. He was at the temple, in the sealing room, and at the alter, when his fiances decided not to marry him. I remember how devastating that was. I didn't want that crushing experience. But the more I waited for Chris to show up so we could drive to the temple together, the more my paranoid thoughts focused on my happiness being terminated. I certainly wouldn't blame Chris for backing out! He was, after all, marrying me - a psycho woman.

But, despite my spiraling negativity, my protector of happiness, Chris, showed up at my house right on time and as eager to go to the temple as I was. It seemed too surreal to just get in a car with him and drive down the road, like we had done hundreds of times before, but this time we had an eternal destiny waiting for us at the end of our drive.

Nerves really took over as we entered the temple. After checking in and making sure all the paper work was in order, Chris and I went our separate ways. Divided by gender momentarily, only to be joined together as husband and wife when we saw each other again.

The ladies in the dressing room were divine. Overly excited and happy to see yet another bride come through the temple for that day. They showed me a locker and then to the bridal dressing room where I was provided an under-garment to make my wedding dress temple worthy. After more pampering and oohs and aahhs from my mom and sister-in-law I was at last ready.

Not quite sure of what to do with the locker room key (no pocket in my wedding dress like my temple dress has) I gave the key to my mother. My mother than put the key in her purse. (A small detail that comes into play later in my wedding story).

Finally the moment of all moments has arrived. Chris and I are shown into a large and beautiful room. In that room is my family, my future family and many wonderful friends. A small glimpse of heaven as kind, smiling faces look toward us with anticipation and experience written upon their countenances.

After our arrival we are gestured to sit on the love seat together. As we sit we are holding hands and every breath I take seems to be loud and audible. As the sealer addresses us and starts to speak on marriage I slowly notice a weird rumbling. What is that shaking I can feel? Is it an earthquake?! I am really confused. I am trying to take in the moment, I am trying to listen to the marriage sealer, and I look around to see if anyone else is troubled by the rumbling. After several long moments of searching and thinking I finally realize that it is me who is shaking. My whole body is quaking with happiness and fear at the same time. I realize that what I am about to do will be the biggest commitment of my life. That I am pledging myself to Chris. I love him and think he is the best - but were we a little hasty in getting married? Did I pick the right person? Will I still love him in a year, five years, 10 years, 50 years, eternity? Will he still love me? It is a lot to think about while you are in the temple and can actually see a view of eternity.

A quick prayer later I start to calm down. I am filled with immense peace and tranquility. I KNOW that Chris is the right one for me and that we will be together for ever. It is now time to kneel at the alter. As I look into his eyes, they are wet, ready to burst with tears. My eyes join his and my heart feels like it will explode. I quickly glance past his head, into the mirrors and view eternity yet again. It is a good eternity. I will always have my best friend to be with me. And then, before I know it we both say "yes," and are pronounced man and wife.

We then have our first kiss as man and wife. It was the best kiss of my life. We then quickly exchange rings and then the crying and hug fest begins as all our friends and family congratulate us. We did it!!!! What a feeling.

The next must do item, is to go outside and greet our other friends and family unable to attend the ceremony in the temple and of course take plenty and plenty of pictures. (I never wanted to smile again after this day!)

Walking out the temple as man and wife. We did it!!!

A group photo with friends and family.

My side of the family.

Chris' side of the family.

Not afraid of a little PDA (at least not on our wedding day).

Enjoying the moment.

Sealed together for eternity in the Mount Timpanogos Temple.

With aching mouths from smiling, we weren't at all sad when the pictures came to an end. As Chris and I went back into the temple to change, the rest of our family and friends returned to their cars and starting driving to Spanish Fork for our wedding lunch.

My mother stayed to help me with my wedding dress. After entering the dressing room I needed the key to my locker so that I could retrieve my other clothes. I asked my mom for the key. Her face was a blank. "What key?"

"Mom, you know, the key I gave you to take care of!"

"Oh, oh, oh. I put it in my purse. And then I gave my purse to nan. Nan is getting a ride to Spanish Fork with your brother, David."

Uh oh!!!! The key is long gone to Spanish Fork. And being in the days of no cells phones (at least no one my family had one) there was no way to get the key back unless someone drove all the way from American Fork to Spanish Fork and back again. A drive that would consist of at least an hour and a half.

We find some temple workers and explain the situation. We are told that we should have hung the key up, and then they proceed to show us where it should have gone. It would have been nice if they had mentioned that a lot earlier - like when they first issued me a locker! They do have one master key, but the sealer has it. So they will have to go and find the sealer to borrow the key to unlock my locker so that I can get dressed and join my own wedding party for lunch. They also sweetly say that they will inform my husband (Wow, how do you get used to that word? I guess it takes about 10 years.) I will be delayed and explain the reason.

I proceed to get undressed in the dressing room to help speed up the process. So I sit in the temple, in my underwear waiting, waiting, waiting for a key. 30 minutes later we hear the joyous cry of, "We have the key!" They pass the key over the locker room door, I open up the locker and pass the key back. I get dressed as quickly as I can (noting of course that I have to put on pantyhose). Finally my mother and I head out of the dressing room to find Chris.

Chris is easy to spot. He would be the one sitting on the bench just outside the dressing rooms with a very worried expression on his face. Apparently they did not tell him about the situation (they told another new husband the news) and was wondering what was going on. Poor man. So, finally we are united and on our way to celebrate.

A great feast and celebration in Spanish Fork was awaiting us when we finally arrived. (And of course we got a pretty good ribbing about arriving 40 minutes later than everyone else. What were we doing?! No one wanted to believe the lost key story. Thank goodness we had evidence - they key tucked safely into my mother's purse.) Many speeches were made and of course there was the constant glass tinkling, our cue to have yet another kiss.

The most memorable part of the lunch is when Chris, and his two college friends, Trevor (whose wedding we met at) and Dave (still a bachelor at that date) sang some of the songs they had come up with during some of their lonely nights back in their college days when they felt lonely and dejected from women.

One of the songs sung was called The Pig Song. It is really a great song - and hilarious. You will have to have Chris sing it to you sometime!!!! (He sings it to the kids at night time.)

But the song I looked forward to the most was one that had been sung at my friend, Dayna's, wedding. Dave had written the music, but the words were all completely composed by my one and only, Chris. It was such a beautiful and romantic moment to be sung to. It made my fairy-tale love story complete.

(I would love to post the words to my special song - but alas they are in my journal that has mysteriously disappeared at the moment. As soon as they are retrieved I will enlighten you all.)

Today is October 10th, 2007. Chris and I have made it 10 years! And we have many wonderful memories of our wedding day and every day since then.

Serving - Not Being Taken Advantage Of

I am really grateful for a wonderful article that my friend Andrea shared with me. The article is called, "In the Service of Life," by Rachel Naomi Remen. Here are some quotes that I liked:

* "Serving is different from helping. Helping is based on inequality; it is not a relationship between equals. When you help you use your own strength to help those of lesser strength."

* "Helping incurs debt. When you help someone they owe you one. But serving, like healing, is mutual. There is no debt. I am as served as the person I am serving. When I help I have a feeling of satisfaction. When I serve I have a feeling of gratitude. These are very different things."

* "A server knows that he or she is being used and has a willingness to be used in the service of something greater, something essentially unknown."

* "The bottom line, of course, is that we can fix without serving. And we can help without serving. And we can serve without fixing or helping. I think I would go so far as to say that fixing and helping may often be the work of the ego, and service the work of the soul. They may look similar if you're watching from the outside, but the inner experience is different. The outcome is often different, too."

* "Our service serves us as well as others. That which uses us strengthens us. Over time, fixing and helping are draining, depleting. Over time we burn out. Service is renewing. When we serve, our work itself will sustain us."

* "Fundamentally, helping, fixing and service are ways of seeing life. When you help you see life as weak, when you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. From the perspective of service, we are all connected: All suffering is like my suffering and all joy is like my joy. The impulse to serve emerges naturally and inevitably from this way of seeing."

These quotes really help me out when I feel like I am "helping" and getting completely drained and resentful.

One of these situations my husband volunteered me for. One of his colleges at school wanted his daughter to be able to attend Ferris preschool. But, since he and the mom work, the daughter is in day care and had no way of getting to and from preschool. Originally they wanted me to pick up their daughter and drop her back off for them. And Chris happily said I would do it. Then when he talked to me about it (several weeks after the fact) I pointed out that logistically I couldn't be in two places at the same time. Getting my own kids on the bus and off to school and picking up some stranger's kid off of 61st and Regal. So then Chris told them they could drop their daughter off at my house and then I could take her to preschool when it was time.

Thankfully it worked out that the mom could adjust her work schedule so that she can drop her daughter off on Mondays and Tuesdays. So all I have to do is pick her up on Mondays and Tuesdays and drive her to her day care. (Her grandma takes care of her on Fridays).

For the longest time I was so mad at Chris for putting me in this situation and not listening to my "NO! I don't want to do this." But after reading and internalizing this article my heart has been softened and I am now finding joy in being able to get to know such a cute girl and knowing that I am responsible for getting her safely to day care. And it has also been good for Sean, he loves having someone to sit by and talk to in the empty van as we drive.

Situation two - I am still working on finding the joy in - but at least my attitude is not as bad as at first.

My neighbor works as a nurse. Last year she had a floating schedule, this year she works every Thursday and Friday. They have jump rope club at Adams, so on Thursdays she drives her kids there at 8am and then off to work she goes. I don't know what she did the first couple of Friday mornings dealing with kids and work - and it was not any concern to me.

Then, on the third Thursday of school, late in the evening she gives me a call explaining that her supervisor needs her to come in earlier, so could she drop the kids off at my house and then have me walk everyone down to the bus stop when it is time? "Sure," I say sympathetically.

So, Friday morning comes and so do the kids. When it is time to leave for the bus stop all six kids (my 3 and her 3) come filing out of my front door, all in a line and start walking down the street. It was actually pretty funny as they are usually not so orderly and our neighbors (who are fixing up their house) across the street had some workers outside. The workers all smiled and laughed as they saw all these kids coming out of my house. We made it to the bus stop and all was well.

The next Friday comes and so do my neighbors kids again!!! (Thank goodness I was dressed - that doesn't always happen until right before we leave the house.) I was so shocked! What was up? She didn't call. I very much recall that our last phone conversation had only mentioned a one time deal of them coming over in the morning. And so, every Friday since, I have 3 extra kids at my house in the morning and 6 kids to shepherd down to the bus stop.

So on Monday and Tuesdays I get to take one little girl to daycare and on Fridays I get 3 extra kids in the morning. But that is okay, because that is part of life and I like being a part of it. I am not going to help - I am going to serve because I love my neighbors. And, selfishly, serving will fill me up while just helping will drain all my energy and make me mad. I am glad I get to choose. I am going to choose to be happy and enjoy my opportunities to interface with life.